∞

"I've been preparing myself for you for a while"

........

....

mmm.

something more than ink.

feels like this[always]

mindstate[always]

senses[always]

hope to wake up to[always]

resting place[.will come.]

i confess

to being

absolutely

positively

exponentially

infinitely

in love

with

words.

"Your love is extravagant,

Tried and True."

Words from a close friend.

I take these words heavy.

I take pride in my ability to love so hard, and will never stop.

I'd rather be wrecked for loving true

than walk away and dig my heels into the ground,

chin high up,

knowing i never loved .whole.

I wont stop.

.never catch the gaze of a body in a trance.

i want

our minds to talk

with one another

waves traveling

mine to yours

you to me

thoughts to fuse

senses tangle

our skin to

touch

solely for the exchange

of our most raw

undying

emotion.

all before we speak.

mraow =^.^=

10 years ago,

your beautiful body was plagued by cancer.
It still makes me choke every time i even see that word.
July 14. Marked on every calendar for years now as "another year, i love you tuff stuff"
you are my deepest weak spot, yet my most definite strength.
You never think you're beautiful, but look at you.
I love sitting back and just watching you cook. laugh. sing along and do your "snappy poke dance" to the cheesy bollywood songs. Every single thing you do is so graceful and beautiful. Even when you cuss, in 29384792 different languages, it's so cute. You're the woman I aspire to be. I love when you tell me that you still think about your first love, and all of your rebel stories from when you were young, I love when you speak, because your voice is so sweet and sincere, I love how excited you get when I tell you my friends are coming over and you automatically start cooking for them, I love how your eyes get swallowed by your cheeks when you smile, I -love- your impression of "sittin on da toilet", i love your accent, i love how the second i say something hurts, you freak out and comfort me in any way possible, I'm going to stop because i could keep going forever, I just love being able to tell people you're my mother. You are MY mother. I can't believe it. I will never be able to strip you from all of the abuse you have received your whole life, but you always suck it up and tell me you're smiling -just for me-. It's the sweetest. You're the sweetest. I love you mama san.










These weren't recent at all.
but damnit, YOU'RE SO CUTE.

Time for celebration brunch.

[qoud me nutri, me destruit]

[ ____ ]

You say you can't stand me when I'm quiet.

[So I shot you with my silence]

...

significant days from the past-sorting through old photos.

1. about 2 years ago-quite possibly - the most broken day of my life, just one day of mind death.

2.about 1 1/2 years ago- after about 3 hours of crying-humbling day of truth.

3. 14 years old. i'll keep this one to myself.

4. about 2 ago- my little brother spent all day with me and watched me take photos as he tried with my digital. He shared the most beautiful thoughts with me that day.

While

at work-

i gave a young girl a rose.

She smiled from ear to ear.

Thanked me too much.

And on her way out,

hugged me and said she felt like a princess.

And drowned in my own misery,

her freckled cheeks and tiny smile made my heart open.

i wore a half-smile for the rest of the day.

...

....yes.

To be sparked,

so saturated,

then to observe the decline of the very thoughts once sought to be pure-

this is neglect.

the fall-out of glimmering potential.

i tried.

Venetian Snares - Szamár Madár

i felt my chest cave in once this began. please close your eyes and listen, feel...

3:58

my mind has been fed.

Altissima quaeque flumina minimo sono lab

Illuminance of your veins,

enigmatic roots suffocating my spine, as it travels

flickering ink-spheres violently eradicate

(divide)

unraveling timely

(above,fused)

milked sclera and...

(scattered,ivory structure ghostly chants of the decline, molecular binds grasped and pulled-)

the reveal

the reveal... ..

It has been almost two years now, since I met someone I have chosen to keep in my thoughts for as long as my mind allows me- just a few days in from learning each other's names-and being just as angry as I was, we fought, laughed, and he'd sit there silent with me for hours, get excited when i taught him of the stars and my metaphysical thoughts. He told me when I was being stupid,made me so many special things, shared very private moments, was too shy to call me beautiful, but expressed it in such admirable ways, he fed my passion, mind, and thoughts. we were fused.

We ruined each other about 6 months later.

some edits he did of me, knowing how much i loved dreaming of the world above-

"you are nourishing"

. that's what he said .

33:33

.my soul will meet you soon.

Dear Mister Mystery-

To call one, my

e l a t i o n

circumspect, whole within myself

the translucent cloth

in which [i] wrap my skin,

pulled tightly against the scapes of my face-

raven-you are a raven in the skies at night

hidden,

you are the little nebula eyes,

which trace my thoughts,

may [i] let

you

know,

every molecule is right when

you

smile,

[only you]

and....

in the contours of my

...d r e a m s..

[such beautiful,horrifying things i see]

[which such delicate skin, holds all in]

may hope, your mind may fuse with mine-

daybreak waking to your eased mind,

many miles from this broken place in which

you

seem so fit,

for when

you

(hush... be still)

feel me,

[feel my mind,my angst]

no words..

you

will feel your glow, as i feel it....

you are the golden soul...

abandoned,unknown...

Someone sing like this with me, horrible and scattered.

I love this song/video.

love until we bleed.

something i jotted down on a paper cup and a receipt a few years ago and found crushed in my drawer.

Living in this world with a contained soul-striving for the freedom of a sinless bird-

my mind is scattered in the most euphoric way and,

I will never let in to the struggle-

deception consumed me, and i held on to sorrow knowing it will be the only thing that will never leave my side.

why has this world become so suddenly striking,

beautiful dreams in every floating particle...

I will let this earth cradle me,

with all of it's tender winds,

I will let this earth wash me with the dark rains.

My memory will follow the tracks of the raven in the sky,

against

[want]

set me free,

set me free so my soul can float...

be still.

In attempt to familiarize myself with the thoughts of exposing the flesh and ink hidden for years, leather-bound, countless...